Triggers, Perceptions & Relationships

An important life lesson I learned the hard way is not to discuss your relationship issues with your friends and family members. Now I am not saying you can never talk to your friends when you are upset about something going on in your love life. I mean, after all, these are our most trusted people and we want to share what is going on in our lives, as well as seek some guidance and advice. 

However, and this is a big one... where this can go fantastically wrong, is when we don't discuss our triggers, hurts, and feelings with our intimate partners. After all, this is the person we are in a relationship with, and only the two of you can navigate your way through any issues that are coming up.

We need to keep in mind that there is no neutral party here; everyone comes with their perceptions, misperceptions, paradigms, programming, beliefs, and life experiences. So when our friends and family are holding space for us and listening to our experiences ... which are truly unique and our own. They will bring all of their own truth to the advice they give, even as they try to stay unbiased.

So how do we navigate, and balance the need for someone to hold space for us, and get advice from the people who know us so well, to the partner who knows us in a very different and intimate way?

I believe we must first talk to our intimate partner about the issue, the trigger, and the emotions we are feeling; be open and as vulnerable as we can with them. When we close down from our partners and seek guidance elsewhere, this is when we can get into even more significant issues. This is when our perceptions can be swayed by others.

We need to show our true selves, without the masks that we hold up, we need to be seen and Loved for who we are unconditional. This unconditional Love seems to be, what everyone is looking for ... but yet we are so conditioned, suppressed, and repressed to not share, that we miss the beauty that we seek. Men, more so than women, in this society of walk it off, and real men don't cry bullshit. Unconditional Love is there waiting for you if you can have the strength to be vulnerable and talk all things through together.

Relationships and Love are the most exquisite and precious things we have on this planet. A place where we can experience the most growth, yet they can be so fragile and easily damaged.

So the life lesson is this: Talk to each other and not about each other!

Be open, be real, be vulnerable, and you will be amazed at how much deeper and more loving your intimate relationships will become.